Like a smooth jazz, slowly moving my feet to the sound of the saxophone. Watching the room with its dim lights. I can feel the sensuality of the music wrapping my body as I am listening to the sounds of the song. I can feel each of the instruments energies from the crying trumpet to the soft touch on the drum. It feels like I am traveling through my life. Watching myself as a young, shy, raw kid that did not want to be there nor grow up but instead I felt the pressure to be in a life that wasn’t mine.
As the music is slowly ending, I can see what it took for me to be here. How much I had to suffer in those early years. Never was I given a break nor a shortcut to stop that nightmare. But instead I had to learn to fight along the way. With no reprieve just moving forward in the hope to escape that life that wasn’t mine.
Not understanding why, I had to go through it, but always believing there is something better out there for me. Hoping prince charming would come to my rescue on a white horse. But at the end, I finally realized the only person that could save me was yours truly. What a lonely beginning always feeling awkward around people. I never felt truly accepted, always feeling different.
Such a journey has been a burden for such small shoulders but that spirit, my warrior spirit always pushed me further. In the darkest times, it always made me realized I wasn’t alone. Somehow the Universe was there to support me.
I always felt more connected with the Universe. One lesson I had to learn is to love myself, accepting who I saw when looking in the mirror. Appreciating my life, telling my younger self it’s OK, you are loved not only by the Universe, but I also by me. Learning to nurture my inner child that has suffered so much. I can still feel those raw feelings and pain from my younger self. It wasn’t easy to live in this environment, but I made it.
Now I can continue my journey understanding that I have learned many of my lessons but also, I have reconnected my inner child with me. Becoming whole again, seeing myself as a beautiful spirit.